In college during '79-'81, I took classes on issues of minorities and sexism. The activist friends I met and hung with were gradually lost due to my heavy responsibilities of jobs and college classes and raising two teens by myself. Many of them were much younger and had more time than I. I lost that passion of discovering, debating, discussions of literature. As I've often done before, I ignored the loss, denied the thought of it and moved on. As I met new people in life, they were people who were spiritually inclined and working through issues of growth and I found that lively debate and social commentary weren't well received. I found that many around me would feel uncomfortable about social issues.
I became regularly accused of hating men if I wanted to speak of an incidence of sexism. Many of my circles avoided talks of racism and minority issues. Because the problems with these topics caused problems and a dislike around me, I put them on the back burner and was generally careful about discussing them.
I became regularly accused of hating men if I wanted to speak of an incidence of sexism. Many of my circles avoided talks of racism and minority issues. Because the problems with these topics caused problems and a dislike around me, I put them on the back burner and was generally careful about discussing them.
Instead of debating the issues, many people criticized my person and I realized that people use feminist as a derogatory statement by the inflections in the tone. Gradually, I felt the disinterest or a rift of awkward silence at best. And in a realistic sense, the popular topics within the group were interesting also and majority rules. I knew I had a right to my views. I knew my friends had a right to not want to hear them.
I still found a few here and there along the way that felt impassioned about the same issues and we could expound for hours. Yet, in groups of people, I stopped sharing.
I do have an approach to life to offer change to people. During my years as a counselor, I was known as "no non-sense" "school marm" type. Now, that no nonsense attitude worked amazing in an environment of rational therapy and behavior change. My case load was always loaded with the rebellious young guys who needed that toughness with extreme patience. It was a fun joke on the unit, but feed back from clients and staff was that it worked and well. On graduation days for these clients, they felt supported through all my toughness.
When I share my opinions, I am not saying I think I'm right. Right or wrong is not even an issue. I am saying, I think...... From my sharing, this is what I think might happen or even hope will happen is you saying to me. Oh, this is what I think..... In my experience, it has happened that we agree on somethings and disagree on some things. As we share our views, we learn from one another.
I do feel confused that in our community merely opining on words or behavior of others is not allowed. I don't throw judgments on people, but I do comment on their words and behaviors if it is affecting the community or business affairs. How can we find a solution if we won't discuss a problem. I'm not perfect in this, because at times conversations can become emotional. If I've hurt someone, I welcome the opportunity to hear the problem because I make mistakes in life and have said or done things that other's felt hurt about. I've apologized many times in life for my words and behavior. I've been forgiven many times. When I say within any circumstance to a friend or to a group I don't support this. I am never saying I don't support the person.
I've thought that exposing the wound is the first step of healing. It is for the love of my community, my organizations and my friends that step out to say the truth as I see it or even offer evidence to expose a lie. I know by now that the finger will not point at them but at me for being the "mean girl." But, when there is actual hurt going on in the community, I have been able to stop the lie and restore fairness.
It's such a Christian kind of a thing to crucify the messenger. Move over Jesus.
I still found a few here and there along the way that felt impassioned about the same issues and we could expound for hours. Yet, in groups of people, I stopped sharing.
I do have an approach to life to offer change to people. During my years as a counselor, I was known as "no non-sense" "school marm" type. Now, that no nonsense attitude worked amazing in an environment of rational therapy and behavior change. My case load was always loaded with the rebellious young guys who needed that toughness with extreme patience. It was a fun joke on the unit, but feed back from clients and staff was that it worked and well. On graduation days for these clients, they felt supported through all my toughness.
When I share my opinions, I am not saying I think I'm right. Right or wrong is not even an issue. I am saying, I think...... From my sharing, this is what I think might happen or even hope will happen is you saying to me. Oh, this is what I think..... In my experience, it has happened that we agree on somethings and disagree on some things. As we share our views, we learn from one another.
I do feel confused that in our community merely opining on words or behavior of others is not allowed. I don't throw judgments on people, but I do comment on their words and behaviors if it is affecting the community or business affairs. How can we find a solution if we won't discuss a problem. I'm not perfect in this, because at times conversations can become emotional. If I've hurt someone, I welcome the opportunity to hear the problem because I make mistakes in life and have said or done things that other's felt hurt about. I've apologized many times in life for my words and behavior. I've been forgiven many times. When I say within any circumstance to a friend or to a group I don't support this. I am never saying I don't support the person.
I've thought that exposing the wound is the first step of healing. It is for the love of my community, my organizations and my friends that step out to say the truth as I see it or even offer evidence to expose a lie. I know by now that the finger will not point at them but at me for being the "mean girl." But, when there is actual hurt going on in the community, I have been able to stop the lie and restore fairness.
It's such a Christian kind of a thing to crucify the messenger. Move over Jesus.
No comments:
Post a Comment