Double standard is more than a stumbling block at times. It can completely highjack my attempt at dialogue.
Case in point;
While posting views on a video lately, my character was brought into question. Although, it wasn't the only trouble I was experiencing, I would like to talk about a bias that women frequently experience and that men experience much less.
A theme in this culture is women operate from emotions and men operate from thoughts. This topic could be discussed for hours because there is truth in this statement, yet I'm talking about unwritten "rules" may spout from this and are of importance when navigating conversation both written and verbal. Another theme that can be detrimental to woman is that our culture generally "sees" woman as gentle and nourishing. Also much truth lies in this statement. Men guide through their words and logic would be another theme.
But when these rules
expect that a woman behave in a certain mode, that is sexist. When men are
expected to behave from those models, it is oppressive to them. I wouldn't term it as harsh as sexism for men, because in many cases, they actually could be acclaimed for their gentle nurturing, crying, etc. They will usually find safe places to live their authentic self. And it is often worth the risk to be themselves because derision may occur, but often responses are mixed. In this way, they continue to dialogue without the need to hide certain views or behaviors. For women, the cultural expectations of their roles can be so projected upon them that it is difficult to keep up one's self-worth under the repercussions. I watch women in every walk of life cope with this. Watch the way in which Hillary Clinton is continually attacked because she is not the kind of woman that fits the mold. Just being bold and assertive will attract detractors.
To the point.
I had stopped writing some comments on blogs or fb or other online media because I've often been accused of motives for saying anything that might be construed as not supportive. Yet, I've noticed that men are entitled to critique and not be charged with a motive to hurt unless their rhetoric has actually been very disrespectful and obviously derogatory. I believe men are respected for the editorializing whether people agree or not. In my experience, I've been accused of a motive of hurting, albeit non intentional, coming from someplace of wounds or unresolved issues. And, it could even go a step further and state that I'm possibly so wounded, I don't even know what I'm dong. Am I wounded? Of course. Are we all? yes. Are women, people of color, and minorities wounded? Yes, more than the privileged. Did I heal? yes, to the point that I know how to converse without "throwing curve balls" rather than using reason. Am I healed is a value judgement and doesn't further the discussion. But, by implying I might be operating from a wound is very derogatory and works well with oppressing people. The issue is now me. I just lost my credibility. The words that I spoke are forgotten.
When I post in a public forum, I expect feedback. I invite feedback in all areas of my life. The "likes" are great so I know that the direction was helpful. The "dislikes" are equally important because I can improve. I find that I love feedback as a tool. When I was working in Harmony Tribe with community, back in the day. I drafted the sheets, brought them to council for feedback, returned home and finished. I was careful that supplies were always easy to find at info booth and that was after, I had them stuffed into the Village Guide. I announced daily at morning meeting to fill out and return and if that was too much during festival, I kept a pile of note cards and pen at info booth. After festival I combined all the sheets and did a summary for the tribe. I had a folder of the feedback so people could read before or after meetings. I my 5 sentence speech each day I always said not too worry about making critical comments because those views are needed to be the best we can. I actually might have a passion for this beyond using as a tool.
I can't even tell you how amazing the Sacred Hunt post-mortem helped that ritual and participants. In the ten years as leader of the Hunters, I modified often.
Editorials, critiques and feed back is as much right of a woman as a man. Because, I've been brought up sexist (as we all have) I've found myself not questioning a motive as a man is stating a view and take the "likes" and "dislikes" as just that. Then, in a minute, I find myself just a bit taken aback as a woman states the same. Those old habits die very hard. However, as a feminist, I enjoy flipping the script to weed out the old thoughts. This is one of my "flip the script" games. On Valentines Day, imagine advertising to women that you can take care of your lover's gift by just clicking here. It's often the same ol', same ol' such as chocolates and flowers. Two seconds is all it takes. Now it may take us only two seconds to buy that gift for our man online, but it won't be advertised as that. And advertising would never boil down the gifts to a couple options when we all know, there is no "right" gift for him. This was oversimplified but you can fun replacing men with women or vice versa and your TV can be a tool to hone your skills. And of course, let's not forget the laugh factor here. Mother's and Father's Day greetings can be eye-opening.
With that, I will invite all comments. I found many points that could be enlarged and omitted much of the issues, but it's a book already.
